My Choice

Well the decision has been made and carried out. It’s hard to say now how I feel about it. I know I have made the right choice. Choosing God over something/someone is always the best choice. However with that said it doesn’t make it suck any less. I thought it maybe was going somewhere, I thought it could have eventually been love.

My friends tell me their proud of me and I'm brave but right now at this very moment I don't feel brave. Maybe I will tomorrow.

Decisions Decisions

It's been so long. So funny that my last blog said the same thing. I was reading these old posts and began to miss this. So maybe just maybe I'll began again. I'm thinking another reason why I need to write is I'm trying to decide what to do about a situation I'm in now. But the hardest thing about writing about this situation is actually putting the words down. I have the words in my head but to see them in print where real people can read and judge is a whole other thing! The thing is I don't really know if I'm trying to decide or if really I'm trying to find the courage to do what I know I should do. I think that's the thing about making decisions-we usually know what the right choice is, but we just don't have the courage to make it! "I know what you want me to do. I know what I should do. I just don't know what I'm gonna do." (Sleepers, 1996)

Long Time

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged! At first there was not a lot going on to blog about and then there was too much going on to blog about.
I would like to get my thoughts together to blog about it, but there’s just so much. (can I say blog one more time!?)

I’m starting a new season in one part of my life. I was actually really happy with the old season, but it ended – not by my choice but by some bad choices of others. So I’m just doing what I always do – let it roll and keep going. Don’t get me wrong, it bothers me, it really bothers me.
There are days when I get really mad at the people that made the choices. There are days when I feel sad for the people that made the choices, sort of feeling sorry for them that they have to go through this, but then I usually get mad all over again because I think about how it's their fault we're all in this mess. Then there are days when I don't think about how I feel, but I think about how good God is and how faithful he is and how he will bring ALL of us out of this and that even though we feel like nothing is ever going to be as good as it was, it will...someday.
I'm not even sure I want to start blogging again, but a friend tells me that I should because it will probably help me heal. We'll see

No Bitter Root

I read this yesterday:

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Wednesday, March 03 2010

"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." - Hebrews 12:15
In business and life the opportunity to harbor bitterness for a wrong suffered is great. We are given plenty of opportunities to grow bitter from relationships that bring hurt and pain. The writer of the Hebrews passage above admonishes us not to miss the grace of God so that we won't take up bitterness as a response to life's pain. He cautions us against this because he knows that a bitter root grows and grows until it eventually defiles many others through a wake of bitterness. If bitterness is allowed to take root, we become imprisoned to it. God's grace will no longer have as great an effect in our lives. We become ineffective, insensitive, and spiritually dead. We can even become physically ill from it. God does not live in bitterness. He lives in grace. He has provided grace for every person to walk in.

One day I was challenged to deal with an individual who hurt me terribly. I was faced with a decision. Would I choose bitterness, or would I choose grace? Oh, how my natural tendency was to choose bitterness. But God provided the courage to choose grace. With that grace came freedom - a freedom to love and even accept the person who was the source of such pain.

This is the real place where Christ's power is most revealed. We cannot live without His supernatural grace. Are you in need of grace today? It is there for the receiving. It will take courage to accept it and walk in it. This will be your step to freedom.

I totally agree with the above. But I also have questions and sometimes it's easier read than done. What do you do when the "source of such pain" is another Christian who should be "choosing grace" ALSO? What do you do if let's say they were a leader in the church? Is it wrong to feel like they should be the one to take the first step to mend this situation? Is that type of thinking, the start of bitterness?
How do you mend a situation where both parties feel they are right? Is there no middle ground?
Lord, I pray for your strength, guidance and wisdom to know the right thing to do.

Amazed by Grace

I am amazed everyday at God's grace! What else can I say? After everything we do, he still forgives! Over and Over. And Over again. Somebody makes us mad once(maybe twice) and "we're done" but not God. Thank you God! When I was younger I used to always picture it when the preacher would say "your name's written in the Lamb's book of Life" - I would think, man my page is probably getting ready to tear from all the erasing and writing over. Funny how we used to think.

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I wrestle with my pain, struggle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause

WTHeck?

I got blog spammed!

New Years Resolution

Now normally I don't make new years resolutions. Why? Hum, that's a good question. Maybe it's because they always get broken so I don't see a point. or maybe it's because I break them and I don't want to feel like a failure? OR MAYBE it's because I can't think of one good enough to keep....Let's go with that one...

Well guess what? I thought of one some good enough to keep this year!
A few days after the new year I re tweeted something from, of all people, RevRunWisdom, His tweet said "I've learned to be content in whatever situation I'm in! (Philippians 4:11)" I knew the verse but wondered if there was any thing else so I looked it up. I ended up reading the whole chapter. so THAT'S my new years resolution(s)!

This year I plan to:

1. Rejoice in the Lord always!
2. Again I say Rejoice!
3. Let my gentleness be evident to all.
4. I will not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving, present my requests to God.
5. Let God's peace which transcends all understanding guard my mind and heart.
6. Think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent AND praiseworthy!
7. Be content in whatever situation I'm in!
8. Remember I can do all things through Him

so there we go....that shouldn't be to hard...